Hardships in Marriage - You’re looking at it all wrong!
How many times have you caught yourself wondering why things are so hard? Asking God about a tough situation in your life, or more specifically in your relationship? Maybe you’ve had a death in the family, or job loss that was really hard on your marriage. Maybe one of you has suffered from a long-term illness which has had both an effect on your financial status and your marriage. Suddenly as a family you are experiencing financial worry regardless of your previously well-paid job and you're having to look for physician disability insurance, perhaps. This might have also affected the kids. A rebellious child is one that we have experienced AND hear stories of from parents all of the time.
My wife and I have gone through a number of things together that could have, and at moments felt like, been the end of our marriage.
Here are a few:
- School debt
- Rebellious teen
- Financial hardship
- Stillborn daughter
- Terribly hurtful job loss
- Moving across the country - twice
And many more. We hear stories from people about the things that drove them to separate or causes such deep problems for each individual that they couldn’t bring their hurt and perspectives together to make them stronger… instead they “grew apart.” Money is a big cause for this, especially if a debt has been plaguing their married life for a while. It may do them good to get in touch with a bankruptcy law firm like Jacobson, Julius & Harshberger to go over their options, but in some cases, it is not enough to keep them together.
I believe, and have found, that hardships are our most effective way to really become united in marriage. Think about it. When your points of view and perspectives are that different, finding a middle ground of understanding is an incredible way to really know your spouse.
And when you consider hard moments in your life, those moments when you know you can’t make it on your own and you need somebody to lean on and to help you through it, your spouse is there. In fact, what better reason is there for marriage, than to have a tangible person in your life that is there for you and will be your crutch when you need it, or help carry you when you can’t carry yourself?
I’m certainly not negating God’s involvement and the reality that he will “never leave you or forsake you”. That’s in a different post… I am pointing out that God has given you your spouse to be a tangible representation of himself on earth – because let’s be honest, sometimes we literally need someone to hold us in real life, a shoulder to cry on and arms that can hold us tight.
I wrote a post once about what I learned by doing the Tough Mudder with my wife – which if you don’t already know, is a hardship that you actually sign up for. But the reality is that our lives will have hardships (John 16:33) and God has blessed you with someone to go through those with you, and someone to remind you that He is walking with you in those dark valleys. You aren’t alone, spiritually or physically.
So consider those tough moments opportunities to grow closer – realizing that each hardship will make your relationship stronger and harder to pull apart.