This post will serve as a quick guide for youth workers who have someone they are working with and mentoring come to them and confess an issue with porn. The assumption is that they have come in order to get help. This list is directed towards youth workers specifically but can easily be adjusted for someone of any age if the term “parent” is changed to spouse etc. Also note that sharing and accountability as described is best done with people or youth leaders of the same sex. What to do (not in any particular order):

1. Outline steps they should take.
2. Offer to let them check in with you every day.
3. Offer to help them find help from a counsellor or pastor.
4. Offer to help them talk with their parents.
5. Encourage them to educate themselves.
6. Teach them about God’s design for sex and sexuality.

What not to do:

1. Don’t offer to initiate checking in with them every day – they must take the initiative themselves.
2. Don’t own their problem – any issue like this requires the initiated action to be on the part of the individual. You can’t step in and control things enough to save them.
3. Don’t make every interaction with them revolve around the issue. Develop a relationship that includes refining of every area of their lives including (friendships, faith, school/work, family and porn recovery) Visit this post for a quick video called “Accountability: More Than Just Don’t Do That”
4. Don’t threaten to tell their parents – they may need to know but the youth should initiate this. You may offer to help talk with their parents.
5. Don’t hide the severity – although important to normalize in a way that helps them know they aren’t alone, it is important for them to know the problem is real and must be dealt with for them to have freedom in the future.
6. Don’t promise to keep it a secret – keeping it to yourself is important but leading them to believe that they won’t ever need any other help besides you is a mistake.
7. Don’t over share – Your role as an influence and leader is not to share all of your own personal struggles with the individual. Doing this will give them passive permission to fail themselves and runs the risk of killing their hope for freedom themselves. Be sure that you have a system of recovery that you are engaged in and tell them you report to others. Telling them about past failures and progress since are good but recent failures should be limited to your “sponsor” or other accountability partners you may share mutually with.

Remember, there will often be a cycle of awareness that includes times of success. At this point the individual will not think that they need any additional help and may distance themselves from you. Be patient and try not to get too frustrated, it is important for them to fail and come back asking for additional help when they realise they can’t do it alone. Steps they will need to take to succeed:

1. Break the silence: tell 2 people
   1. Support (sponsors and friends, possibly parents) with regular contact.
   2. Accountability (someone else who they build an “iron sharpens iron” relationship with) for a 4 layered approach to accountability visit my blog @ www.davidmcvety.com
2. Gouge out your eyes :
   1. Filters (visit doingfamilyright.com for details on filters)
   2. Parental controls and removal of apps
3. Education:
   1. Join a program (help them find a local “conquer” or “valiant man” series for education and support)
   2. Visit sites that inform and offer support like “fight the new drug” and X3church.
4. Fill your mind and heart:
   1. Bible reading and prayer – they must fill their minds and lives with Jesus. He is the only one that can satisfy their need for reward and relief of stress.
   2. Christian music
   3. Memorize scripture

RECOMMENDED WEBSITES:

• www.covenanteyes.com
• A great program recommended to protect all online sources – home computers, laptops, smart phones, iphones, smart tablets. iPods, iPads and more with this software. It is designed to provide online accountability to protect EVERYONE from going to the wrong websites. It also has incredible resources and articles on pornography recovery and education. (Click the link for a free month of protection for your family)

www.doingfamilyright.com www.davidmcvety.com -accountability structure -6 steps to freedom from porn -filters and links can all be found here www.xtremepurity.com http://www.conquerseries.com https://www.thepinkcross.org http://www.fightthenewdrug.org http://yourbrainonporn.com www.xxxchurch.com