I’m the kind of person who all my life has been taught that you can achieve anything that you put your mind to. I’ve bought into the “seize the day” theme, including the idea that I am in control of my own destiny. And don’t forget that “if you want something done right you got to do it yourself”!! Boy have I never before felt so incredibly lied to!
In life where you find out very quickly that there are setbacks, obstacles, storms, triumphs despite your failings, and failures despite what you thought were your victories, the loss of meaningful things and gain through pain that you didn’t think was needed…you soon discover NOTHING is in your control!!
I feel that God has taken me on, yet again, another valuable learning adventure! First off, the idea that God loves me so much and wants to grow me beyond more than I thought I could grow, just blows my mind!! Why me?? But then again, why not??!! Because this is one of His promises…really…He values each of us and has given each of us a purpose and journey, and a great opportunity to reach out to many around us for the glory of His name and the sake of His Kingdom! Man, what a humbling honor! Again, I am reminded of all the characters in the Bible who God chose to do these types of things through! I recently saw a great poster that highlighted just that!
WOW!! So again if God chose them, WHY NOT ME??!!
Why I am sharing this? Well, what God has been growing in me is this need to LET GO, to surrender all and…to TRUST in HIM! I can say that I am there, it is achievable. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not there with ABSOLUTELY everything, but I am there in a particular area that if you would have asked me even a year ago…I would not have been able to say I had surrendered it. I still believed that I needed to be in control in order to steer this particular ship into the direction I wanted. No, the direction I NEEDED it to go in, in order for me to be OK! I would be saying all the “right stuff”, trying to convince others and myself that this was truly what I was doing and believing, but inside I would be raging in fear and was a total disaster emotionally.